


Desire is Haunting Me

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Minor Rick Grimes/Michonne, Some Comic Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-17 13:35:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15462537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: "I don't think I'll give you that satisfaction and in all honesty I don't think that's the satisfaction you want." Rick lightly teased and tilted his head to the side."And what satisfaction do I want, Rick?" Negan pronounced his name more sharply, probably just to be irritating."You want me. Took me some time to really believe it but now I do."





	Desire is Haunting Me

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS MY FIRST EVER 10k ONE SHOT. 
> 
> this idea sparked from the s9 trailer & the regan clips in it so i hope it's genuinely enjoyable. i tried to go at this type of idea in a different way instead of simply smut. so please leave comments , kudos , bookmark it or maybe even hop into my inbox @ rickbisexualgrimes. 
> 
>  
> 
> thanks for reading!

Bleak.

 

That was one word that Negan could use to describe the atmosphere of his cell. Negan never expected a fucking five star experience but a more comfortable bed would be nice. The mattress pretty much felt similar to how it'd be on the floor. Of course Rick wouldn't give two fucks even if he did mention how much his back hurt. This whole thing was his punishment for being so terrible.

 

Though how was it that he happened to be only fucking one being punished?

 

Did all his Saviors that weren't killed in the final battle just given the brush off? Weren't they just as goddamn responsible for the bloodshed? Sure, he dished out the orders but he never was on the battle field. Only occasionally he'd make his appearances to fuck shit up. Just like he did that day he thought he'd kill Rick. He thought of several ways of doing it too.

 

Most times his mind went back to using Lucille and having Rick's brain matter on her by the end of it. Only for that vision to be shitted on because of Rick's persuasion, those teary blue eyes and his suggestion that they could have a future. That's when he got distracted in that moment. Negan let his mind wander away from violence and onto things he truly tried to avoid. Such as making spaghetti for that little angel, Rick and Carl if he was still alive. They'd be a happy family, the family he never got with Lucille.

 

  
For a moment he believed Rick, even going so far as to genuinely shed some tears but Rick fucked it up. As per fucking usual Rick went ahead and fucked with the whole thing. Negan throat got slit that day but instead of dying he was kept alive. Now Negan was stuck in a dank fucking cell that barely allowed him to stretch his lanky limbs.

 

  
He leaned his back against the brick wall and tried to get comfortable on his bed. This was his second week in the cell yet it felt like years because there wasn't a clock. Negan's throat still felt sore, he was told by the doctor, Siddiq, not to speak very much. So therefore he didn't and it was basically a way for Rick to spout off knowing he couldn't respond.

 

  
The door to where he was kept creaked open, someone was coming down the stairs but it didn't sound like Rick. Not that he was in the mood to see him anyways. Turns out it was Michonne with some water and a bag of what looked like pills. She had her katana with her which made Negan almost laugh. What could he fucking do behind the cell? Everyone seemed scared of him still and Negan still fed off that feeling. That feeling that he was still the baddest dog in the fucking yard.

 

  
Michonne didn't utter even a single word to him until he asked about the medication. "Siddiq told me it'll help with any pain you have. It should help you sleep too."

 

  
Since he couldn't respond he just stared at her until she held the tray out. Michonne didn't seem nervous because in their eyes - he was a neutered dog.

 

  
Negan rose from his uncomfortable bed and made his way over to the bars. When he finally got close enough to swipe the pills from the tray, he saw Michonne examining him. The heavy staring made him feel like he was under a microscope so he took the water bottle, downed the pills and sat back down.

 

  
Instead of leaving him, Michonne just continued to stand there. Not that she was unpleasant to look at but it made him feel like a fucking animal. A caged animal.

 

  
He used his hands to urge her to speak if that's why she was still hanging around. From what he could tell she was taking her time to think.

 

  
"I'm definitely not used to you not being able to speak." Michonne stated without any emotion in her voice. "Before I leave I wanted to leave you with a thought. This is an opportunity for you to really think about what you've done to us, to your former people, to yourself. Without Carl or Rick and even me you'd be dead right now. Rick took a chance by showing you mercy and whether he wants to admit it there's a deeper reason for that. It goes beyond Carl. So I advise you to be grateful, to use this time to change..maybe even become a better person. Okay?"

 

  
Negan took a moment to go over what Michonne was communicating with him. She had no obligation to tell him any of that or to be as nice as she was. So he just nodded to show that he did understand what she was saying.

 

  
"Good. Someone will be by later with your dinner. I don't know if it'll be Rick but either way you'll be fed."

 

  
The katana wielding bad ass, as Negan liked to call her, turned on her heel with the tray and ventured up the stairs. As as she left and shut the door behind her..he was alone.

 

* * *

 

 

Rick plated the food that thankfully Michonne made to bring to Negan. Everyone else suggested he get dog food or some other disgusting item. He almost took them up on the suggestions but figured Negan deserved to be treated decently at least. That thought irritated him sometimes. To imagine that someone like Negan deserved anything really. But why bother sparing him if he was going to be like that? Carl would be probably attest to that type of treatment.

 

  
Before leaving the house Rick went to speak to Michonne, sometimes it kept him more levelheaded. Most of the time he just needed to see her to erase thoughts of Negan.

 

  
No one knew the thoughts that would pass through his mind late at night. Sometimes it made him sick, other times he let arousal win. On more than one occasion Rick rubbed one out in the bathroom. He'd try to let his mind wander back to Michonne. But it felt like Negan had his hooks in him.

 

  
The pain that came with the thought that Rick didn't know if he still loved Michonne was excruciating. After all they'd been through together, after all the pain Negan caused them, he was uncertain now. Rick wanted to believe it was just because of the stress. Though he knew it tied back to losing Carl and how a part of their connection died with him.

 

  
On top of that killing Negan became an obsession, therefore Negan was the key to said obsession. Every moment he could have spent grieving was spent on Negan. From calling him on the walkie to vocalize to him, instead of Michonne, that Carl was dead. All down to risking his life just to kill Negan, even when it wasn't the time. When it came down to actually ending Negan he couldn't do it.

 

  
Now he was even more questioning as to why that was. Mostly he convinced himself that he only did it for Carl, for his family, for his people. That was part of it but it definitely wasn't all.

 

  
Rick couldn't find Michonne anywhere in the house so he ventured outside. He found her just sitting there on the porch, the very porch that should have been destroyed in the chaos Only somehow their place wasn't decimated by the wreckage the Saviors left during the war. Re building was going to take time so mostly everyone was staying in tents. The Hilltop allowed more people to move there, including Saviors who wanted a new life.

 

  
Carefully he went to sit down next to her with the tray of food still in his hand. She acknowledged him with a brief smile before going back to stare at their wreck of a community. What was once a place of refuge for them was now a place filled with memories. The very memories that both of them were trying to heal from. Back at the Hilltop Rick forced himself to read the letter Carl wrote. By doing so he allowed healing to begin, though some days were easier than others. The ending of the war was still fresh for everyone. Including himself.

 

 

"Maybe we should re locate Negan. Maybe take him to the Kingdom and him keep him somewhere..or I don't know. We don't need to be here right now." Rick suggested softly before placing the tray on his lap. He reached to touch her but there seemed to be some resistance. Usually she'd be leaning into him by now or touching him back.

 

 

"I know this is the wrong time but are you happy with me? We bounced back so quickly I don't think either of us really considered why. " Michonne's eyes traveled from her hands to him.

 

  
"Why would you ask that? You know I love you."

 

  
"And I love you too, Rick. It's just with Carl dying, things changed between us. Of course we were both grieving and still are but it was more than that. I don't know if you love me the same anymore..at least not the way I love you."

 

  
Rick didn't have the energy to handle this conversation so he detoured. "Michonne, I love you. We can talk 'bout this later but I gotta bring this food before I forget."

 

  
"Your boyfriend misses you." Michonne joked with a bit of sadness in her voice. "Better hurry up with his meal."

 

  
"Ha-ha very funny."

 

  
He pressed a kiss against Michonne's forehead before getting up to go to Negan's cell. This was just a rough patch and they'd get through it, Rick was certain of that.

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Did you take your pills? One nod for yes." Rick had already opened up his cell door and  handed him his tray of food. "Don't be stubborn. I ain't in the mood."

 

  
Negan shoveled some food into his mouth before nodding once. _Goddamn Rick seriously has a stick up his fucking ass. Is he the one stuck in a fucking cell?_

 

  
"Good. Is there anythin' else you need that I can provide for you?"

 

  
The dirtiest thoughts funneled through Negan's head before he visibly checked Rick out. He winked when he noticed that Rick caught onto him.

 

  
"You just keep playin' those games, Negan. That's all ever you ever did before..it was just a way to throw me off. Well now you don't have a lick of power." Rick smirked at him with confidence. "That bothers you doesn't it? To be powerless. To have someone else have your future in their hands. Imagine how we all felt livin' under your rules."

 

  
Fuck Siddiq's suggestion for him not to speak too much. This constant badgering and leturing was irritating the holy hell out of Negan.

 

  
"F-f-uck off." Negan's voice was strained and his throat felt raw.

 

  
"Figures that'd be the first thing you'd say to me since you'd been put in here. Just remember that's all you got now - words. You can't do anythin' to me or anyone else anymore. Enjoy the rest of your dinner."

 

* * *

 

Laying next to Michonne felt lonelier than Rick felt comfortable with, and she could tell. They didn't hold each other or even attempt at cuddling. Rick hated thinking about it,but it felt like he was laying next to a stranger.

 

He heard her sigh in that fed up type of way, somehow he could tell what was coming.

 

 

"I don't think this is working, Rick. As much as I want it to work for us and for this life we've built..it just isn't."

 

 

"Michonne,please, let's just think 'bout this for a second - "

 

 

"You're conflicted - about Negan."

 

  
Denying it would make Rick look desperate or pathetic even. Only what other choice did Rick really have in this situation? Losing Michonne would send him over the edge further than he'd gone. He'd already lost so much in such a short time span so he wouldn't be able to take it.

 

 

  
But maybe he was mostly holding on so tight because attached to her were memories with Carl.

 

 

  
Michonne continued to explain what she thought, what she needed for herself and that came down to time. What she needed was time away from their relationship. She told Rick that she wouldn't stop loving him but that her grieving was put on hold. But now she was ready to feel all of it.

 

 

  
Nothing that Rick attempted to say was persuading her not to leave. She even went so far as to get off their make shift bed and leave the room. Since Judith was currently at the Hilltop with Maggie, Rick couldn't seek comfort. Normally even just holding Judith made him feel better. And since Carl was dead the ache couldn't be momentarily quelled.

 

 

  
Impulsively he got up and left the room himself, but he wasn't just getting some fresh air, he was going to visit Negan.

 

* * *

 

 

" _So don't you play with me 'cause you're playin' with fire._ " Negan crooned in the darkness of his cell. One thing he needed to ask Rick to give him was a light. Even if it was a flashlight or some shit that didn't need to be plugged in.

 

 

Being stuck in a cell constantly, day in and out made him feel pathetic. When the world was still standing prisoners got some privileges. Rick wouldn't even let him use a proper bathroom. Instead he was forced to take a shit and piss into a fucking bucket.

 

  
Much to his surprise he heard the door creak open slowly. If it wasn't Rick or Michonne then someone was finally coming to do him in. Maybe the widow was getting impulsive and was going to dish out her revenge. Negan could only imagine what she'd do to him before killing him. Probably cut his fucking balls off and make him eat them. She seemed vicious and if he didn't feel nervous he'd be fucking impressed.

 

  
Whoever it was didn't make a fucking sound, didn't speak as they walked down the steps, so Negan had no clue who it was. Rick would never in a million years visit him this late or early. Whatever time it was didn't seem fucking right either way. So it had to be someone else.

 

  
Negan didn't move from where he was laying because he wasn't about to fall into his shit bucket if he got shot. No way in fucking hell. Humiliation was shitting in a bucket and being confined to an awful cell. He longed for the days he lived like a goddamn king, where he could do anything he wanted. And all of that changed because people just had to be ungrateful. Fuck what Michonne said to him, he did what he needed to for survival. Not like they were any better than him. Rick definitely wasn't.

 

  
The person got down to the bottom of the stairs and that's when Negan turned his head. His eyes were widened upon realizing it was Rick.

 

  
Rick dragged the chair from where he usually placed it then sat down. This was usually the time when Rick would ramble, how much better off everyone is now that he's gone and all that. But none of that shit happened. All that Negan could hear was his own breathing and Rick yawning.

 

  
Just to annoy the younger man he decided to continue crooning whatever song came to mind.

 

  
" _Ooh baby baby ooh baby baby_  
_Mistakes I know I've made a few,_  
_But I'm only human; you've made mistakes too_ "

 

  
Nothing.

 

  
" _Try to love you baby, but you push me away_  
_Don't know where you're goin'_  
_Only know just where you've been_  
_Sweet little baby, I want you again"_

 

  
Not a fucking thing.

 

  
" _My loneliness is killin' me_  
_I must confess I still believe_  
_When I'm not with you I lose my mind_  
_Give me a sign_  
_Hit me baby one more time"_

 

 

"Alright, enough Negan." Rick growled from his seat while he clutched his own thigh. "I get the damn point."

 

  
Negan barely moved an edge but kept his gaze on Rick. "What is my point exactly? Enlighten me."

 

  
"You've always been one for mind games. Singin' me all those songs like you're implyin' you could ever -"

 

  
"Ever what? Want to get in your fucking pants? News flaws, Rick..the only people that have never or don't want your sweet ass are the lesbians and straight men. I happen to be neither of those."

 

  
"You can't possibly think I'd ever want you of all goddamn people. Don't think me showin' you mercy doesn't mean I actually like who you are."

 

  
"Why the hell are you even here right now, Rick? Shouldn't you be layin' next to Michonne? Or bottoming for her? She's got some strong fucking arms, I almost popped a goddamn boner when she choked me. If it had been any other situation I would have."

 

  
Rick stood up so fast that Negan's heart damn near stopped. "Shut your fuckin' mouth."

 

  
"Or what? You'll slit my throat and lock me away in a shitty ass cell? Oh wait, you already did that shit. Go ahead and kill me if it's gonna make you happy." Negan knew Rick wouldn't dare kill him, not right now anyways. And he was right because Rick sat right back down.

 

  
"I'm here 'cause... Michonne left me..we're done or at least that's what it seems like."

 

  
Not that he'd say it but Negan felt almost honored that he's the first person Rick's told. Negan would tuck this memory away, put it on a holding shelf if you will. Waves of curiosity swept Negan up and he was now submerged. He sat up from where he was laying then scooched to the edge of the bed. What could he get out of Rick right now in his vulnerable state?

 

  
Negan told Rick that he could tell him anything and that it would be their little secret. The chuckle he got out of the younger man seemed genuine. After what seemed like consideration Rick explained what happened. How Michonne was uncertain about something, Rick didn't say what but it gave Negan a weird feeling and so he asked upfront.

 

  
"Why would she leave you if it was just a little fucking fight?"

 

  
"It wasn't really a fight. She questioned if I really love her anymore, she could tell somethin' was off between us and told me that I'm conflicted 'bout somethin'."

 

  
"Conflicted? About what?" Negan kept staring at the younger man who wouldn't meet his eyes. "You gonna tell me?"

 

 

"I have to go. It's late and I really shouldn't be here right now. Goodnight." Rick scurried so fucking quickly that it would put a cockroach to shame. It left Negan wondering why he couldn't answer that question. Was Rick having an affair on her? No. He wouldn't do that shit. Did Rick have feelings for someone else that were colliding with his relationship? Maybe.

 

  
Negan for a moment wondered if it was possible that Rick..

 

  
Probably fucking not.

 

 

"I could make you happy, Rick. So goddamn happy." Negan leaned right against his cell door. "We'd be so good together, a real power couple but the decision's yours."

 

  
Rick felt so jittery like he wanted to do something impulsive. "It wouldn't be right."

 

  
"Who gives a fuck?"

 

  
"I do. To be with you would be goin' against my people. What if they don't understand? I can't take that risk."

 

  
Negan had a soft and almost delicate expression on his face that made Rick melt. "They don't get a say in the matter. How do you not understand that shit by now, Rick? You're one of the big wigs. Catering to people all the time is how you get taken advantage of, it's how you fuckin' lose your power, which is why I never lost mine. Not until you came around."

 

  
"So, what? I'm supposed to just give into whatever fucked up thing is? You'd like that wouldn't you?"

 

  
"I'd love it if you fucked me into this uncomfortable bed. Or I'd fuck that cute little ass of yours. Either way I'd be satisfied."

 

  
The daring look in Negan's eyes sent Rick over the edge, causing him to use the key to open up his cell and close it behind him.

 

  
Rick didn't know what the hell he was doing really but it felt freeing to give into Negan like this. Almost as if Negan was the key that unlocked his cage so he could finally spread his wings.

 

  
He hesitantly got closer towards the older man who was wearing a devilish grin. It felt fitting because of how Negan was perceived in this story as the villain, as the devil. Once Rick was close enough that's when Negan touched him. Rick began breathing heavily, his chest was heaving even more so when Negan let his hand travel. The closer Negan got to Rick's inner thighs made him feel like ...

 

 

 

Rick had broken out into a sweat while he slept because of the dream he just had. Seeing Michonne would quell the shame but she wasn't in his bed, and that's when Rick remembered. She broke up with him.

 

  
He had passed out in his clothes so he rushed out of his room. Rick got out of bed, put on his boots, ran out of the room and checked Carl's old room. This was the first time he went inside since Carl died. The bed was still left the way it had been when Carl was last there. Rick didn't have the heart to even change anything or touch any items. Since Michonne definitely hadn't slept in there he checked Judith's room. Not there either.

 

Rick went downstairs and called out for her but didn't get any type of response. Alexandria was a ghost town considering most of it was blown to hell. How his house didn't end up getting burnt down he didn't know. Rebuilding the community was high on the priority list but for now mostly everyone was spread out. Last he heard Daryl helped secure an area, setting up tents for some people to live in while they rebuilt.

 

Others opted to stay at Alexandria to help with the rebuilding process. Rick got Daryl to spend most of his days with everyone in the tent area they had set up. Now even his own home seemed like less of one now that Carl was dead and Michonne was leaving him.

 

A noise came from near the front door made him race towards it. They'd made the area relatively safe for the most part so it couldn't be a walker. Even so, Rick wouldn't have issues with it.

 

He didn't take his time to head towards the noise just in case it was Michonne. Much to his relief it was her and she was just about to head out the door. She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled, in a saddened way.

 

His last resort was convincing her that they could work it out somehow. Rick needed to fight for it to show her that it wasn't lost or maybe to convince himself that it wasn't. He didn't know exactly which it was. All he knew was that desperation had him in its grip and wasn't letting go.

 

"I need to go to the Hilltop, to see Judy and if you want I can bring her back -"

 

  
"No no, It's safer at the Hilltop, more secure. I might come with you today so I can see her myself."

 

Michonne blinked rapidly, "I don't think you should dump Negan on just anyone. Plus I don't trust that those who are here right now wouldn't do anything to him. People are still upset, Rick. You know that."

 

"Are you just sayin' that I need to stay 'cause you don't want me around you? We can be civil with each other but I'd prefer us to work this out. Wouldn't you?" Rick thought those words would sway her. In his mind he pictured her agreeing and saying they could take some space for grieving. Then they'd get back to their relationship and the life they had together.

 

"I wish it were that simple and that we could just work this out and grieve together. But I don't think we can 'cause I'm more focused on you than I am myself. I didn't realize this til now. If I don't walk out this door today then we're just going to go around in circles. The war is over so we don't have to shove it down anymore. I'll still be here for you. I'm still with you just not the way you want me to be. Maybe we'll find our way back to each other or maybe we won't."

 

 

"Please, Michonne. Don't leave me."

 

 

  
Michonne set the bags she had in her hands down onto the hardwood. "Rick. Come here."

 

 

Thinking that she maybe changed her mind in a split second, he did just that. Rick felt the tears building up behind his eyes and he just let them fall down his cheeks. They were so close that Rick could feel her breathing against him. His arms wrapped around her back like they always did when he hugged her. Rick didn't want to let her go physically or otherwise. But did he really have much choice in the grand scheme of it all?

 

 

When they met eyes Rick leaned towards her to see if she'd kiss him. She did but it was brief like when you don't want to let it linger too long. Rick stayed behind to tend to Alexandria and Negan. He wasn't worried about Judith not being taken care of. It was just sleeping alone in the house for the first time since they got to Alexandria was daunting.

 

 

"Nah man, I don't think I can do that." Daryl continued to skin the animal he'd killed for his lunch. "Someone else should."

 

  
"Almost nobody else wants to deal with Negan and they'll kill him more than likely. We didn't put him in the cell so he could just get off by dyin'. That's why I saved him in the first place." Rick tried to explain to Daryl who seemed less and less interested. Something seemed off about the man, he seemed more distant like he was hiding something.

 

"I trust you man but keepin' him alive was a mistake."

 

"Someday you'll agree with me that it wasn't but I understand that right now you don't get it. I'm doin' what's right and what Carl wanted before he died."

 

Daryl responded with a grunt that sounded like compliance. "Can you pass me that bag?"

 

"Are you okay? Are you mad at me or somethin'? Ever since I chose to save Negan you've been actin' distant."

 

 

"I ain't got a problem with you."

 

 

Before Rick would have believed Daryl without any hesitation because that was their relationship. He loved Daryl, he was family but they'd had a few tiffs during the war. A sort of worry festered inside Rick's stomach. Could it be possible that Daryl was against him somehow?

 

 

Rick only nodded and forced himself to smile so Daryl wouldn't seem his discomfort. During that whole conversation he'd forgotten to even tell Daryl that Michonne broke it off. His priorities were scattered and the only thing that remained was Negan.

 

* * *

 

 

Getting over Michonne had taken some time, a long time, and now Rick was able to be okay. They had a few moments where they thought they'd get back together. Only for those to be he slip ups that can happen after a break up. Rick would always have a love for Michonne but that was where they both drew the line. They were better off not being together and Rick accepted it.

 

  
Besides they had their hands full with rebuilding the communities, making a new way of living for everyone and raising Judith. That didn't come without difficulities or times where Rick wanted to pull out whatever hair he had. But watching Judith and now Hershel grow up was something Rick was excited about. The loss of Glenn was heavily remembered the day Maggie gave birth. She'd insisted that he be there with her, holding her hand on the day her water broke. Michonne had also been present while everyone else, aside from Siddiq and them, waited outside.

 

  
And seeing that baby made him forget all the troubles or issues that were ahead. For them to witness birth again felt like a miracle. The life they all were building felt right and in a way he owed it to Negan. To his imprisonment more specifically.

 

  
For months Rick had kept his distance from Negan. Alexandria was now built up again so they had a better system with watching him. Though he was the only person who actually spoke to him.

 

  
There were a few close calls, a lot of flirting and Negan continually asking about getting an eye contact-less hand job. Rick came close to giving him one just to shut him up. Only that would be proving Michonne right. And though he wasn't petty about it, she needed to be wrong.

 

  
Rick decided to visit Negan for the first time in two months. He went down the stairs slowly due to how his knee was bothering him. Negan didn't have a smile on his face or much of an expression.

 

 

That was his cue to pull his chair over, sit down and wait til he felt ready to speak.

 

  
Rick let out a bit of a sigh. "It's been a while since we had one of these talks. It wasn't that long ago we were fightin' just to stay alive. But it's not like that anymore. We're building, we're growing, still ready to deal with this world on its own terms. No matter what happens, it's human nature to come together."

 

  
"That's a real pretty picture you paint there, Rick. When do I get to see it?" Negan had a slight smile on his face now. Of course he'd try to be charming and see what his chances of getting out were.

 

 

  
"Don't you ever get tired of actin' like you're still in charge?"

 

 

  
"Do you?"

 

 

  
Rick stared at Negan, amused with the question he was asking. "What's that supposed to mean? You're in there, I'm out here. Which one of us is in charge of anythin'?"

 

 

  
"You think just 'cause I'm here that everythin' I built just dies with me? Nuh uh. My people may have surrendered but I can guarantee they miss how it used to be. Even if somethin' is absolute shit, people get used to it. They adapt. If you can honestly tell me that some of them don't still call themselves 'Negan' then I'll believe you."

 

 

  
"Do you still think that I'm ever gonna let you go? That you won't rot down here with all your pain and regret?"

 

 

  
"I'll get out eventually, Rick. You'll need me soon."

 

 

  
"I won't."

 

 

  
"Listen to me closely. When it finally goes to shit..and it will..you make sure you come back and you tell me all about that date."

 

 

  
Whether or not it was visible that Rick was feeling irritated by Negan's words was irrelevant. Maybe this was the sexual tension that he'd been trying to avoid all over again. It had been there before, bubbling up when they got around each other. Only this time Negan didn't have anywhere to run and neither did Rick. And he could try to run from it like it was a horde of walkers. It's just what good would that do?

 

 

  
Rick wiped his mouth and carefully considered his next step. He could just walk out of there, tell Negan that he was dead wrong and leave it at that. But when everything finally did go to shit because it always does, he'd look like the idiot. Coming to talk to Negan was something he still didn't question as much anymore. If he hated the man so much why'd he bother to talk at all?

 

 

  
Finally Rick made the impulsive decision of opening the cell door so he could enter. His hand rested against his gun instinctively because Negan was still..well..Negan. Whatever was going on between them needed addressing.

 

 

  
"I don't think I'll give you that satisfaction and in all honesty I don't think that's the satisfaction you want." Rick lightly teased and tilted his head to the side.

 

 

  
"And what satisfaction do I want, Rick?" Negan pronounced his name more sharply, probably just to be irritating.

 

 

  
"You want me. Took me some time to really believe it but now I do."

 

 

  
"How does that make you feel?"

 

 

  
"Sick." Rick gulped down. "It makes me feel sick."

 

 

  
"Why 'cause I'm a man? Damn, Rick. I thought you were more accepting considering you got a shit load of gay people around you."

 

 

  
"No. It has nothin' do with that. The reason I feel sick is 'cause it's you..someone that I wish I could just kill without thinkin' twice. Someone that deserves a worse fate than this."

 

 

  
"You're still spouting off this bullshit like you're any better me. Get the fuck over yourself and stop seeing me as the goddamn monster when we've already got them walkin' around."

 

 

  
Rick felt a violent rage building up inside his body and he wanted to be able to control himself. The only problem was that Negan tended to spark that scary side of him so damn easily. "This conversation is over. I'll have someone else bring you dinner later."

 

  
As he turned around to exit the cell, Negan reached for his wrist and got a tight grip on it. Rick tried to jolt out of Negan's grasp but it didn't work so he took his weaker hand and swung. He connected to Negan's face though it wasn't enough to throw him off. That's when the unexpected happened and he was being pulled into Negan's lap. He fought it for a moment then soon Negan's lips were on his. And unfortunately Negan wasn't a terrible kisser so Rick couldn't say he hated it.

 

  
The kiss was deepened when Rick reciprocated and pressed himself against Negan. Firm hands were exploring him all over the place, squeezing at his ass which made him moan. His body wanted to grind down against the taller man but he held back.

 

 

  
Rick moved his face away and was looking into Negan's lust filled hazel eyes that were practically hypnotizing him. Right then he felt himself losing all reason and himself in the worst person for him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
Visiting the Sanctuary so casually felt so eerie, mainly due to the fact that the only time Rick had been there was during the war. He remembered so vividly how he got so fixated on shooting Negan. That obsessive rage almost got himself killed on more than one occasion too.

 

  
If he had told himself that he would be kissing Negan or more so allowing Negan to kiss him - he would have laughed his ass off. Since it happened Rick kept their conversations short when he decided to pop in. Other than that he got other people to bring Negan food, water, empty his bucket and so on.

 

  
As if that wasn't bad enough but he was going to the Sanctuary with Michonne and a few others. No one else had any clue what happened, not like he had any intentions of telling.

 

 

Rick could tell just by Michonne's body language that she knew something was up with him. His heart was hammering in his chest, making the hairs on his arm raise and he didn't have time for this. The Sanctuary was in need of supplies again because they didn't get enough on their own. Rick was well aware of how much better his community was at scavenging. Which is why they were there to let them know they'd be helping them out, again.

 

  
The Saviors outside let them in through the lower level doors and Rick walked in with everyone else who came. On the nearest wall there were words written on it that said : WE ARE STILL NEGAN. Before he had time to really ask about it, the new leader of the Saviors, John, approached. The man was definitely no Negan and Rick was grateful for that.

 

  
"Rick Grimes. Not that we don't want you to visit but is there a reason you and your group have swung by?" John crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes a bit.

 

  
Rick remained calm and level headed. "We're here to help you get back on your feet. Alexandria will do whatever it can to make sure you and your people have enough food for the month. We have plenty of supplies and enough to go around. All we ask is that you make sure to remember that lumber you promised."

 

  
"That's very generous of you, thank you. I'll make sure my people deliver on that promise as soon as possible. When should we expect this donation?"

 

  
"Tomorrow at the latest."

 

  
"Thank you, Rick Grimes."

 

  
"You're welcome. Oh and can I talk to you privately for a moment?"

 

  
Both Michonne and Rosita shook their heads at him to change his mind. He didn't heed their warning and took John aside to discuss the words on the wall. Rick calmly asked about if his people were unhappy with the new arrangements. The response he got didn't seem cause for alarm, at least not outwardly but something felt off. John never seemed like a problem though a lot of people don't. Not until they become one.

 

  
Rick left the factory with the others and as soon as they got outside that was when concern was expressed. Which basically came in the form of Rosita asking him what he asked John. Then Michonne was wondering on top of that. Everyone else kept relatively quiet which is what Rick expected. The whole reason he brought certain people to the Sanctuary was to keep it civil. If he had brought Daryl then yet another fight would have occurred.

 

  
The only responses he gave both Rosita and Michonne were that it wasn't important. Neither of them seemed satisfied with that answer but didn't question any further. He already had Daryl expressing everything he disliked and didn't want to do. So he didn't need everyone else questioning his decisions.

 

 

  
Once they got back to Alexandria everyone dispersed, expect for Michonne who followed him. That awkward stage had long since passed which had been relieving. Though he knew that she needed a better answer than he gave her.

 

  
Sometimes it bothered him that Michonne still knew him so well and always would. She could just look at him and see beyond what he was displaying on the outside. Her eyes weren't sparkling when she looked at him anymore. The spark they had was pretty much fizzled out. Rick never imagined moving on from her, yet there he was.

 

 

  
"I'm worried, Rick. What did you say to John when we were at the Sanctuary? We don't have to worry about another war do we?"

 

  
"Of course not, we got everythin' under control and all the communities are livin' peacefully."

 

  
"You know that not everyone is happy with what we have now. Some people want it back to the way it is and you don't know if they're ever gonna forgive each other."

 

  
"You're right, I don't know if that's ever gonna happen. But I can't be scared about that anymore, we've been through enough and now it's a newer world, a better world." Rick tried to assure Michonne who shook her head. "Why can't you see that?"

 

  
"I'm just trying to be realistic so I don't get my hopes up too much. They can all work with their own people but working together as separate communities is harder. Don't lose sight of that."

 

 

  
Right as she was about to turn around and go back to his house to see Judith before she left, he stopped her from leaving.

 

 

  
"This is awkward but I don't have anyone else to tell this to. I won't reveal any names 'cause it's just..it's just awkward for me. And I'm sure it's awkward for you too."

 

 

  
"What is it?"

 

 

  
Rick took a deep breath then let it out immediately. "I kissed someone last week or more like they kissed me."

 

 

  
"Oh." Michonne responded back to him with a bit of awkwardness in her voice. "How do you feel about it?"

 

 

  
"Scared. I feel scared. With you I wasn't all that scared, we took a chance and it was good."

 

 

  
"Every relationship is different and I know you know this. You're smart, I know you'll figure out what you're going to do. And don't be afraid to come to me because I'm never going to stop caring. We're family, together or not."

 

 

  
"Thank you for everythin' really. Have you been okay? Are you - are you seein' anybody?"

 

 

  
Michonne just shook her head and told him that she hasn't found anybody worth it since him. With that she told him that she was going to see how Aaron was holding up with Judith. He assured her that he'd be right along but that he had something to take care first.

 

* * *

 

 

  
Kissing Rick for the first time felt like the fucking sky opened up for him. Of course it took a little bit of spontaneity to make it happen but it was worth it. What he expected was Rick pushing him away immediately. Negan expected a punch to the face, an angry rant or something along those lines. But instead of all that Rick kissed him right back. They got farther than Negan really thought they could then.

 

  
Ever since the kiss Rick had been avoiding him or any deep conversation. Unless you counted Negan's request to have his shit and piss bucket cleaned out more often. That was as deep as it got.

 

  
So he was stuck getting his dinners from people he didn't give two fucks about. Normally whoever it was would practically drop his tray on the ground then leave. Negan would have to mention it to Rick next time.

 

 

  
Unexpectedly the fearless leader decided to stop by.

 

 

  
Rick stupidly asked him how he was, as if he had much to tell him about considering he was stuck. He didn't even care to respond to that and just asked Rick what he exactly wanted. And if he was still getting his bath today.

 

 

  
The question seemed to throw Rick off which only made Negan smirk.

 

 

  
"We can do the bath right now if you want." Rick suggested to him. "I don't have the energy to look for volunteers to stay by so it'll just be us. If you try anythin' I'll shoot you in the leg."

 

 

  
"Wouldn't dream it of it, baby." Negan waggled his eyebrows at Rick who looked less than amused.

 

 

  
"Don't call me that and I'll be back with your hot water, soap, rag and towels."

 

 

Instead of returning alone, Rick came back with Aaron and Jadis who were helping him carry the small tub of water. He started to unzip his prison outfit which made everyone roll their eyes. What the fuck were they expecting? Him to bathe with his fucking clothes on?

 

 

  
Jadis glared at him in her weird as fuck way. "Need us to stay?"

 

 

  
"We can stay if you need us too, Rick." Aaron piped in.

 

 

  
"No no y'all can leave. I'm perfectly capable of doin' this by myself and besides I need to have a conversation with him anyways."

 

 

  
"Thanks for bringing my hopefully hot fucking water!" Negan waved with a fake smile on his face. He then received a blank stare from Aaron and a middle finger from Jadis. Negan just bellowed at how he could still drive everyone nuts even in the cell. Once they left he saw Rick shake his head at his behavior.

 

  
"Fuck. Now we're back to you actin' like you got a major stick up that ass of yours. I got a better stick that you can put up there."

 

 

  
"Get in the tub and wash yourself so we can get this over with."

 

 

  
Negan didn't bother to say another word and waited for Rick to finally unlock his cell door so he could get out. The fact that he was anticipating taking a goddamn bath in some poor excuse for a tub was a bit pathetic. Even he could admit that to himself. At least they were letting him bathe at all.

 

 

He didn't waste any time unzipping his prison jumpsuit or taking off the rest of his clothes. Rick didn't glance down at his dick too much but when he did Negan almost got hard just from that. He got into the tub but since it was too small he could only stand. The cloth was already placed in the water and the bar of soap was in a plastic bag. He got the soap out and rigorously lathered up the cloth. Then he began washing his whole entire body.

 

  
"So about that kiss -"

 

 

  
"That kiss never happened. I've decided to just pretend it didn't. I talked to Michonne and she told me I'd figure it out so I have."

 

 

  
Negan huffed very noticeably. "So you got advice from your fucking ex? Of course she won't recommend that you fuck me."

 

 

  
"She has no idea it's you that I kissed." Rick snapped. "You really think I'd ever tell her that I did anythin' with you? Or that I'd tell anyone I care about?"

 

 

  
"So I'm your dirty little secret?" Negan feigned a shocked facial expression.

 

 

  
"Get outta the tub. Now. Your bath time is over."

 

 

  
"Fuck no. I still need to get in all the fucking crevices just in case I get lucky."

 

 

  
Rick charged towards like a fucking bull which was equally scary and hot at the same time. He took Negan firmly by the arm and urged him out of the tub. Protesting wouldn't do any good because he was fucking naked for one. He did halt before he could be pushed into his cell. That was when Rick got a bit more aggressive and his dick twitched with interest. Clearly Rick noticed because he was blushing but not saying about it.

 

 

  
Without thinking about it for a second he pulled Rick in for a kiss that wasn't resisted. Negan backed up with Rick into his cell and guided them to the bed. He was already naked so if they were fucking it wouldn't take long.

 

 

  
Negan went for Rick's pants to unzip them and pull them down just enough. This wasn't going to be some slow and sensual love making, no, what Rick was clearly wanting was a hardcore fuck.

 

 

  
Using spit was his only option for lubrication so he hoped Rick would loosen up. Negan got his fingers wet enough, used one hand to open Rick up a bit then pushed his one finger inside. Who fucking knew he'd be finger fucking Rick Grimes in his cell? This was a dream come true.

 

 

  
He went from one finger to two fingers and pushed all the way inside to see if he could hit Rick's prostate. When Rick jolted like he was electrocuted that's when he knew he hit it. A couple minutes worth of him wearing Rick out with orgasms he figured it was time. He wouldn't fuck Rick without asking if he actually wanted it because he was one thing but a rapist wasn't one of them. No matter what those motherfuckers thought of him. That had always been something he didn't tolerate at the Sanctuary. At least his people couldn't say he allowed rape and ever did anything too heinous as a leader. Other than bashing brains in, burning faces, tossing people in furnaces and choking out Simon.

 

 

Maybe he had been a bit unhinged but who wasn't?

 

 

  
"Do you want me to fuck you? I'm good to fucking go but this is gonna happen if you want it. Tell me if you do or don't." Negan's dick was close to Rick's ass but not touching it just yet. He wanted to savor this moment for as long as he possibly could.

 

 

  
"This is a one time thing to get it outta our systems. Okay?" Rick sounded more eager than he was letting on.

 

  
"Whatever you say gorgeous."

 

  
Negan replaced his fingers with his tongue and Rick made a noise that sounded like a growl. _Goddamn he's a fucking freak when you get him riled up._ He'd been told by more people than one that his tongue worked wonders. Whether he was eating ass,pussy or sucking dick. He had the tongue of the gods, instead of the fucking hammer.

 

  
After her finished using his tongue it was now time for the grand finale. Clearly Rick had never had sex with a man before so he would let him ease into it. Negan spat on his dick and teased Rick's entrance with the tip. They both moaned which was pretty much the go ahead for them both. He slowly eased inside Rick's loosened up hole and when he penetrated, even just a little, it felt like heaven.

 

  
Negan could see how sweaty Rick was getting which wasn't anything new but damn it was because of him. The younger man's pale skin was glistening and if he still had his curls they'd be dripping by now. Negan squeezed Rick's left cheek then started to thrust slowly in and out. Blowing his load early would be fucking impossible but he'd keep it under control.

 

 

The way the younger man started to bounce back on it was indication that he wanted it harder. So Negan gave Rick exactly what he wanted by placing both hands on his hips and going to town. For his age he had quite the stamina so sex was never disappointing. In fact if Rick felt disappointed he sure as fuck wasn't showing it. All that could be heard was skin slapping and them both moaning. He noticed that Rick's dick was getting neglected so he stilled inside the man. Then he started pumping his leaky length, rubbing the pre cum all over then giving him fast strokes.

 

 

  
Not that Rick ever discussed his sex life with him but judging by how fast he came - it had been a while. Who wouldn't drop to their knees for Rick Grimes though?

 

 

  
Negan finished off by pounding Rick so hard that the bed was moving with them.

 

 

  
He came inside Rick with a grunt and almost fell on top of the man.

 

 

  
"That was fuckin' great, definitely one for the spank bank if you ask me." Negan chuckled before leaning forward to press a kiss against Rick's back. He slowly took himself out of Rick's ass due to sensitivity.

 

 

  
"Never mention this to anyone. I mean it." Rick got his pants pulled up before continuing. "This was a one time thing so don't bother tryin' to convince me otherwise."

 

 

  
"Okay. If you fucking say so but if you come back here to get my dick in you again - you're doing the goddamn work."

* * *

 

  
The next time that Rick did come to fuck him was impulsive and Negan could tell by the way he was behaving. Rick didn't say a word to him other than take your clothes off and it all unraveled from there. Maybe Rick was using him for sex which was fucking ironic considering who he was. Either way he would take whatever he got from the man.

 

  
And each time he did visit they'd fuck or do something sexual.

 

  
He would bring him food, wait til he was done eating then they'd roll around in the sheets. It was rare when someone showed up in Rick's place but when it was Michonne he felt awkward. She clearly had no idea what was going on because she didn't have her katana to his neck. That would be the reaction he'd expect at least. Judging by how she choked him out before.

 

  
The tray of food she was holding had a sandwich, cut just the way he liked it with what looked to be ham , lettuce and tomato on it. Even the bread was lightly toasted and it made Negan smile. Obviously Rick made sure the sandwich was prepared that way just for him.

 

  
Michonne didn't hand him the tray and instead sat down in the chair, Her face was neutral though Negan knew something was fucking wrong with this picture. And it got worse from there with her question. "Are you the person that Rick has been seeing?"

 

  
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Negan pretended to be confused but she saw right through him.

 

  
"It's just a question and I need you to answer me otherwise I won't leave."

 

  
"You're persistent. We're not together if that's what you're wondering. I don't even know what the fuck it is but we've been..well you know."

 

  
"Rick doesn't know that I know." Michonne stated with honesty. "I figured it out on my own but i needed to be sure that I wasn't imagining things. He's been acting different for a few months now."

 

  
"It's just sex."

 

  
"I'm not so sure and I'm no fan of yours but I called him out on this before. He didn't want to admit it and I didn't expect him to do either. He's drawn towards you, you're both drawn towards each other. Have been from the start. I've seen the way you look at him and he was able to talk about Carl dying with you before me."

 

  
"You can't possibly picture a future for him and I." Negan didn't know where was she was going with his conversation. "I'm here for the rest of my goddamn life."

 

  
Michonne got up and shrugged. "Maybe or maybe not. I know is that he's different now that he's..with you."

 

 

  
"Do you still love him?"

 

 

  
"I always will. The question is do you love him?"

 

 

  
She left him with that thought and Negan couldn't even think properly for the rest of the day.

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
Deciding what to do about his situation with Negan became a lot more difficult than Rick hoped for. Putting an end to sleeping with him had been the original plan, now he didn't know. All the feelings that Michonne even knew about before he did were at the front now. The desire was haunting him when he slept, when he was alone and even when he was around people he loved.

 

  
He'd spent the past week avoiding Negan again, other than one time he went down to bring him some breakfast. Now an issue was arising in the form of a threat against all the communities. Rick couldn't believe it when Rosita came back alone, without one of the new members of Alexandria, saying that she left him. She explained that the dead were talking, that she and him both heard them.

 

 

At first he wanted to believe it was because of her own stress but she was insistent.

 

  
They sent out a party to go look for him and those who did come back from the mission were rattled. All of the survivors explained that people in dead people masks attacked them. With this new stress, Negan, the fights that been erupting and Daryl constantly questioning him, he was pretty damn beat.

 

 

People were becoming stressed out about the situation once the word was out. Someone had been pretty damn stupid to say anything. Now he had a community of angry people asking if there were any threats. He had no one to turn to that understood. Michonne knew what it was like but she never had everyone looking to her to this degree. His relationship with Maggie had been really fragile as of late. Then Daryl barely spoke to him so that didn't help.

 

  
The only person he could turn to for advice was Negan so that's what he would do. Figuring out what they were going to do about their relationship would have to do wait. At least until Rick got some advice.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Negan had consistently thought about what Michonne told him.

 

  
He started thinking about a future with Rick.

 

  
Though what future could they possibly have together? Rick was one of the most well loved people around. He had so many people that would fucking die for him, kill for him and do anything to protect their own. What the fuck did Negan have? Himself. He had no idea what happened to Lucille and Rick told him once never to ask again. So he let the worry eat him from the inside out. It was a fucking bat but what it represented was something he never even told Rick.

 

  
No one came by with breakfast so Negan presumed they got caught up with something. Then no one came by with lunch and that's when he was fucking worried. Were they going to let him starve down there? Just forget that he existed so he could rot down there with his shit bucket?

 

  
By the time that dinner rolled around and Negan was fucking hungry for just about anything, Rick showed up. He was about to give him a piece of his fucking mind until he saw the distress on Rick's face.

 

  
Fuck what was it now?

 

  
"No one has brought me food today or even changed my bucket in days." Negan got up so he could speak through the bars. "What the fuck is up with that?"

 

  
"I'll bring you a big meal later but right now we've got a situation. This situation will affect you so don't pretend it ain't your problem. I think there might be a new group of people that want us dead. Apparently they wear masks of the dead and call themselves "Whisperers". They don't sound reasonable, not that I'd work with them but we're on their radar now."

 

  
"Are you here for some advice? Is that it?"

 

 

  
Rick shifted uncomfortably where he was standing. "Yes. Yes I am. I need the help and you're the only one I can ask this question to. What should I do?"

 

 

  
"What are your people sayin' about this? Are they freaking the fuck out right now?" Negan searched Rick's face and could tell that was the case. "Remind them who you fucking are. Remind them of who you're not too and that's them."

 

  
"Negan, what does this have to do with anythin'?"

 

 

"You're not there people and that's where you have the advantage. They don't think like you, they don't know you or what you've done to keep your people safe. Hell, to keep all these communities safe. You saved them from me didn't you? Did that shit by batting your goddamn eyelashes at me."

 

  
Rick seemed to be listening so he continued with his speech.

 

  
"Tell these people whatever you know they need to hear from you right now. If they don't like how you're running shit they can fuck off. Who the hell would they be without you after all? Probably out there in the world gettin' eaten as we fucking speak. I may have been an asshole but I kept people safe and this is what I would fucking do."

 

"Thank you, Negan."

 

  
Negan felt startled by Rick thanking him at all, so all he could do was nod.

 

  
Before Rick left him alone with his empty stomach and thoughts again he addressed the elephant in the room.

 

  
"I need some time to figure out what we're gonna do 'bout us. There's a lot to consider and I can't just let you out without discussing it with everyone. I doubt it'll happen."

 

  
"I can fucking hope, can't I?"

 

  
Rick half smiled at him, "Yeah, Negan, you can hope."

 

  
About a half hour later Negan could hear commotion from close by like there was a community meeting. Not long after he heard people chanting Rick's name over and over. He smiled to himself and felt a tinge of pride. "That's my boy."

 

 

 

 


End file.
